At a recent menopause café I host, a new face joined us. She was warm, open, and — like so many women who come through our doors — looking for connection, answers, and support. As she shared her story, it became clear just how isolating and overwhelming the menopause journey can be when no one tells you what’s coming — or how to cope.
This woman had gone into early menopause following a hysterectomy to treat endometriosis. Like many others, she left hospital without a single conversation about what the surgery meant for her hormones, her wellbeing — or her future. When menopause symptoms hit, they blindsided her. Her doctor offered little guidance. She was eventually given HRT, only to later discover that it can trigger a return of endometriosis — which, heartbreakingly, it did. She now attributes other health issues to this lack of early, informed support.
But what struck me most wasn’t just her story — it was her resistance to self-care. She explained she couldn’t possibly prioritise herself because her husband has health problems, her son has learning difficulties, and she is also caring for elderly relatives. She felt alone in a new area and overwhelmed. When we gently talked about the importance of carving out even a small space for herself — for health, for rest, for sanity — she wouldn’t hear of it. She was “too busy.” There simply wasn’t time.
I understand this story deeply — because, if I’m honest, I’ve lived a version of it myself.
Years ago, when I was trying to complete an Open University degree alongside work, I told my manager I didn’t have the time to study properly because my job was too demanding. I expected understanding. Instead, I got honesty. My manager calmly asked: “How important is this degree to you?” I said, “Very.”Her reply stuck with me forever: “If it’s truly that important, wouldn’t you find the time — even if that meant getting up earlier or watching less TV in the evening?”
It stung. But it was true.
I realised then that my excuses were louder than my actions. I was blaming time and circumstances for my lack of progress, when the truth was simple: I hadn’t been willing to adjust my life to make space for what mattered. I wanted change without sacrifice.
I see this now so often when it comes to menopause and women’s health.
Why We Resist Taking Responsibility
Menopause demands that we pause and care for ourselves differently — but that’s a hard lesson in a world where women are taught to put everyone else first. Family, career, community, caregiving — our sense of duty can leave us convinced that there’s no time or space for our own wellbeing.
But here’s the truth many of us avoid – no one is going to prioritise our health except us. We tell ourselves:
“I’m too busy.”
“I’ll do it when things calm down.”
“Other people need me more.”
“It’s selfish to put myself first.”
These sound like reasons. But they are often excuses that protect us from discomfort — the discomfort of change, the fear of selfishness, or the belief that we are not worth the effort.
Over time, these excuses become so familiar that we start believing them. We forget that we always have some choice, even if it’s small. Even if it’s waking ten minutes earlier to breathe, walk, or stretch. Even if it’s asking for help. Even if it’s saying “no” to something or someone else so we can say “yes” to ourselves.
Why Self-Care During Menopause is Non-Negotiable
Menopause is not just about hot flushes or missing periods — it’s a whole-body shift. Bones, heart health, mental wellbeing, muscle strength, cognition, and energy are all impacted. Without intentional self-care, these areas decline faster and recover more slowly.
This is why accountability matters so much. When we avoid prioritising ourselves, we aren’t being “selfless” — we’re quietly allowing our future health to erode. And the cost is high: more fatigue, more illness, less resilience, and even less ability to care for others.
When we do take responsibility — even in tiny ways — the benefits ripple outward:
We feel stronger.
We make clearer decisions.
We have more patience.
We handle stress better.
Most importantly, we reclaim a sense of power over our own bodies and lives.
Taking Ownership — One Small Step at a Time
You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. But you do have to start.
Could you walk for 15 minutes before the house wakes up?
Could you swap scrolling on your phone for reading something uplifting for 10 minutes?
Could you ask a friend to check in on you weekly, so you stay accountable?
Could you book that health appointment you’ve put off for months?
The truth is: If we wait for the perfect time to care for ourselves, it will never come. The perfect time is the moment you decide that you matter as much as everyone else.
Taking OwnersThe Choice is Ours
I still catch myself making excuses sometimes. But when I do, I remember that manager’s words: “If it matters, you’ll make time.” Menopause — and life —requires that same choice.
For the woman at our café, and for every woman reading this: you are worth the time, the care, and the effort. No one can take responsibility for your wellbeing but you. And the sooner you start, the stronger you’ll feel — not just through menopause, but for all the years to come.
Let’s stop waiting. Let’s stop excusing. Let’s start owning our wellbeing — today.